Dec 19, 2008

Puke And The Consequences of Being A Pushy Asshole

The other morning it was cold. Very cold. People are miserable when it's cold. They get anxious and irritable. I get it. I switch trains every morning either twice or three times depending on what time I wake up. This morning was going to be a three train switch which means I was running late. For those that don't know I'm very anal on the showing up on time issue and I'm also very big. Six five, two fifty or so. My train pulled into the first transfer and I waited for a few minutes with the rest of the cattle waiting to continue our drive into the cattle pens that are our jobs. The D came steaming in and there was a train that stopped in front of me that happened to have a bunch of empty seats...this set off a warning bell or three. In NYC rush hour an empty train means one of two things 95 percent of the time - there is a stinky bum (forgive me for my lack of political correctness) or there is vomit. This was a vomit morning. Didn't see it yet but I knew it. The long story ends here with a very aggressive little calf deciding that she was more important than the people that had been standing around waiting with what passes for patience on a cold winter morning. The train pulled in and like a running back hitting a hole she nearly pushes me out of the way and drives another woman two feet to the side as she rushes in. The smell hits me hard. I scan and can see the floor covered in vomit - but not the little running back. She hits the hole and breaks for daylight and one of those coveted empty seats and then - BOOM - she slips in it and falls on her ass. She's slimed. Covered in puke and I know I'm an asshole for saying it out loud but it was what everyone was thinking
"excuse me would have saved you"